I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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