Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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