so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize