Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
