did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
