butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My balls are so social today.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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