I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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