The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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