Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize