I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
