I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
