I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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