The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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