What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
