My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
