9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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