I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
