take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize