If that was your dad, he is hot
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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