i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
ttyl tear gas
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
