Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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