I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize