You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
