I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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