dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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