he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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