I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
