Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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