can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
