return my video game
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
