I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
