i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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