He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
