is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
