There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
