i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
