fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
