I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
