and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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