You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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