Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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