I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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