I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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