If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
