How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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