Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There's always time for handjobs
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
