he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
