My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
