whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
