margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize