Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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