FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
two words: eviction party
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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