i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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