1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
