What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
