I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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