...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
ttyl tear gas
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
