We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
