They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
FUCK WHALES
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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