he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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