Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
