we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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