Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
