She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
