We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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