Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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