That's intense
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
