Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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