just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
