Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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