I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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