I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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