I hate all girls vehemently.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
