so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
