It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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