im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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