Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
