hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
