the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize