I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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