u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
