I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
