Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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