Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
