Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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