My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im holly from the hills drunk
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize