dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
