I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
