We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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