You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
A bitchslap is in order.
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