Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
