I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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