I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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