Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
