Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize