this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
