Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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